On Saturday, I accompanied someone jamming.

I thought that since it's going to take him at least 2 hours tweaking the bass, I should probably get myself a massage or a manicure and such. So I wandered alone in the shopping mall. It's those kind of malls built in the 1980s that kind. Only a few stories high. And most of the unit tenants are either tuition centres, or barber shops, of hair salons. Gituk-gituk ahh... So I assumed there'd be alot of places offering massage services.

I went into one such 'beauty' centres for ear-candling. I asked about the service, and the beautician opened her mouth to tell me more. She was a she, until, she opened her mouth. EH SILA not a she lah ok... But got boobs all, if you know what I mean. Abeh dia pakai lipstick kan, comot seoul. Eh PLEASE eh~ PINK lipstick with RED lipliner! Maaakk aiii... Sebarang jer. So from far, all you can see is a red line circling what is assumed as a mouth. Hurhur. Jahat lah Awing ni. So anywayy...

She stuck the lighted candle in my ear and massage the area around it, what is known as the lymphatic nodes. When she's done, she peeled open the candle and showed me the contents of my ear. EH GROSS, understand! It's all black and wet and sticky. Hurhur. She said it's normal cos these dis-fucken-gusting stuffs cannot be removed my cotten buds. Then I said I don't use cotton buds. I used that metal senduk to clean my ears. She gave me a horrified face and a horrified sound. Ok I describe to you the sound she made eh. Macam a bit scratchy gituk. Macam your 14-year old brother on the verge of puberty and he's going through the transition from being a boy to a man and the voice is about to break. And sometimes when he talks, macam sometimes low pitch and high pitch. HAH macam gituk lah her horrified voice. I wanted to laugh seoul. But tahan ah cos rude mah. Hurhur.

So when that's done, I walked around some more and found a massage parlour. It's those kinda massage parlours whose name has a 'massage parlour' behind. But I assumed that since this is a shopping mall, there couldn't be anything shady about it. So I walked in confidently and anticipating a good one. Abeh dengan PENUH confident eh, looked at the hourly rates and say "Excuse me, can I have the..." when I was quickly interrupted by the woman behind the counter "Sorry hah Miss... You want massgae huh?" Eh nooo lah~ Last time I checked , this is a massage parlour, yo. "Erm yah..."

HAH APA?!?! Parlour hotakkaula nyarr... Parlour, as in, kepala hotakkau. Geddit? Hurhur.

(Eksyen cool only lah but I wanted to smash her head) "Oh? For men only? You mean this place is that-kind that-kind one ah?" Dah bingit ni. I also wanted to add "so this $35 for 45 mins is for a what kind of service hah, Miss?" I glanced to my left and saw a long corridor with many closed doors. Closed. Ada jer lah tu business ke haper.

"Hah what?" In that kinda bukit tone. Macam nak kena jotos seoul. Irritating sey her voice. At least the ear-candling beautician sounded more pleasant. Trans pun trans lah!

"Err ok never mind hor, Miss." And I spun around dengan penuh eksyen and stomped off, elegantly. I should have known. Anything that ends with parlour is shady business, ok understand. I left the place feeling stupified, like I can't believe they set up a place like this in a mall. How dare they.