Yeah why don't you? Go on, spring me some surprises.

No particular person or thing or occasion here. 'You' here refers to just about anything. Just a string of events that have left me dumbfounded, lost, confused and irritated.

(And it doesn't help that Class 95 is playing songs that are bloody heart-wrenching now.)

Someone remarked something to me yesterday. Unintentionally (or not) I'm sure. But it left some sort of scar somehow. It's like how I felt 6 years ago - ugly, unworthy and unwomanly. Until you know... That certain someone saw me beyond all that.

I mean, I'm very aware of my surroundings, my friends and who I hang out with. But to have someone just go like "Asal kawan kau lawa-lawa, kau macam gini ni?" It's like HOO-KAAAYY... Haha. Sur-PRISE!!! Thanks ahh...

But you know what, after all the initial self-hatred and a bit of self-kicking, I stand again and tell myself "Yeah but so what? We're all gonna grow old and wrinkle one day anyway. I bet all those gorgeous people can't even hold a conversation half as good as I do." And also after a few verbal slaps from friends, I got over that. I move on. I always do.

Watch out World! Here comes I!

Haha.

Anyway, yesterday was awesome. A trip to Hollywood Secrets and my fingernails are so Frenchy LaLa, I can't stop admiring them! I still find it hard to believe sometimes that I used to be an avid nail-biter. Bite until they bleed sometimes. Haha... Macam best tau gigit kuku. So therapeutic. It calms me down.

Did I tell you? Rainy days are the best. Rainy days and hangin out with your favourite people are even better.

Thank you, you.

Can the flu please go away??

I have a date tomorrow, dammit, and I don't want to sound like a fucken Cher.

I bought Lemsip because Eli once said it's mujarab. Eh? Tak pun... My flu is quite jahat and degil. Looks like it's here to stay for a bit. Speaking of Lemsip, do you guys recall that Lemsip ad? No? Let me refresh your memory.

Boss in ad: You were sick yesterday, were you?

Employee: Err... Yes.

Boss: But your report yesterday was brilliant! HOW did you do it??

YES! HOW INDEED. WITH LEMSIP OF COURSE!!

(Ok this one is not from the ad. Aku tokok tambah sendiri).

A couple of discrepancies in the ad. First of all, when you say "You were sick yesterday", it should be followed with "weren't you?" and not "were you?" Bodoh siak siapa yang buat itu ad. English tak pass. Obviously English is not his FORTE. Hurhur... (I'm not saying I have a PhD in English, but at least I don't go around with glaring mistakes, yes? If I do, however, pray tell. I like people telling me my mistakes).

Second of all, if you're sick, you jolly well take an MC and stay at home! And not burn the midnight oil and drink Lemsip and do your bloody report. Sucker.

Anyway, if you think my speaking voice is bad, my laugh is even worst. It sounds like a man's lah, I swear. I can also feel a bit of a fever coming. Fuck lah, fuck.

Anyway, Maz's elder sister's wedding was fab. The food was fab. The couple looks even fabber. Hurhur fabber...

Ok I leave you with this. This is especially for my Queens. Cos I know they are both sick too... Like me =(

I have issues.

So many of them in me, they're all fighting to be the ones first to be acknowledged by me. Right now, I'm just ignoring them, suppressing the intense emotions that are smacking me everywhere.

And one of them is: I wish I have fucken-long-hair. Kinda miss my tumbling waves. Shite. You'd think I shouldn't be worrying about having long hair because there's more pressing issues in the world like war and famine, but guess what? Right now, I only care about myself. HEAR ME??

It's all ME ME ME.

(For now).

And to make worst of things, I think I'm coming down with the flu. The throat's pretty scratchy. I'm beginning to sound like Cher. Cher the she-man.

Go away flu! I have plans on Saturday. The Queens and I are gonna make some boys hot around the neck again. We don't want me sneezing in everyone's faces, do we now?

Urggh!!

Hate this.

For me, coffee is the best laxative. The Best.

If I have constipation and cannot move my bowels, I just drink coffee. I'll be in the ladies in a few moments. And what's better? I get high too. See it's double the fun. I get to move my bowels AND I get high. What more could a girl ask for.

And should I add - I make kick-ass coffee. To all potential boyfriends / fiancee / husband / scandals, take note: Awin makes kick-ass coffee. Hurhur...

That Friday with the girls, I can't even BEGIN to describe the fun we had. Like what Ley said, she's stumped everytime she wanna describe the times we spent together. Likewise, Ley. Macam I feel, apa kata orang tuu... How can anyone NOT wanna hang out with us? Haha thick-skinned moment, people... Apologies nyaaarr...

Please refer to Jila's, Eli's and Ley's blog to see pics. I swear I'll upload pictures when I get my hands on my own camera (that is, if I'm not too stupid to operate the digital camera lah right. Cos I'm quite electronic gadgets-dummy).

I'm gonna catch The Exorcism of Emily Rose with the girls later. Tak sabar nak mampos nyaaarr...

It's probably the first time all 7 of us are meeting each other, besides the annual Raya outing *awin*eli*jila*ley*fid*farena*maz*

Shawl: check! (for covering the eyes - from seeing scary Emily; for covering the nose - to stop the snot that might fall due to fear; for covering the ears - to filter the scary noises; and covering the mouth - to suppress the screams)

Money: check! (Girls, $9.70 each to me, please. Thank you.)

Mastercard: check! (I'm having this fear that I might just lose it later. Kalau hilang, mati ah tak boleh collect tiket, beb! Choi ah...)

Digital cameras: check! (Important sial. Us camera-whores.)

Sense of humour: check!

Lots of fun: Bring it on, lovelies.

HERE'S A SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY GORGEOUS LOVELIES!!!

ELI

JILA

LEY

NANA

MAZ

RAI

FIDZA

FARENA

JU

NURAH

SID

SUHANA

SUHAILAH

You Washington bitches make me feel brand-new. I don't know why. I just LOVE US. I count my blessings everytime I think about it. There.

Live it, girls.

Just had lunch with Eli. I went for early lunch pasal bos takder hurhur...

I have a confession. I think both Eli and I look hawt today. I mean, we look hawt everyday lah but slightly hawter today. Kita feeling-feeling her turtleneck and all-black get-up, and my short pants and my heels. WHY WON'T THE GUYS DATE US?!?! WE TOO HAWT FOR YOU, OR WHAT???

Talking about short pants, we saw two pairs of short pants from Topshop. Lawa nyaaarr... But they cost a fucken $73 apiece!! For something that looks like bloody bermudas, it sure is an exorbitant buy. Too much lah, wahlaueh... Tapi lawa nak mampos. So uber cool. She'll get the tweed pair and I'll get the black one. Just as well we wear the same size cos then we can exchange!

Yeah you might think "How come Eli and Awin wear same sized pants? But Awin is fatter..." Well fact is, I AM fatter but i have narrow hips. Heavier top but narrow bottom. Very unlady-like. What my mum would say "Kalau nak beranak susah..." Apparently, prospective mothers-in-law like to check out the hips of their future daughters-in-law. I don't have child-bearing hips, no ma'am... It's not big and it's definitely not in-your-face. I want Ratna's or Ley's or Farena's or Fidza's ass. The kinda ass that can feed half the population of Rwanda. Hurhur... Macam pantat-jack gituk nyaarr...

So yeah, Eli and I wear same sized pants. Then we'll exchange. I'm so loving those pants. Can't wait to get my hands on 'em soon. Yes, Eli Weli? We'll get 'em good.

Tentatively, we are supposed to have dates today. But if we both don't have those dates, we'll go out with each other. Yes, my lesbo partner. You're my sunshine, my sweetheart. I hate guys. Go to hell.

For now.

Saturday with the lovely Washingtons was fab nyaarr, without a doubt. I mean, I knew it was gonna be awesome. And it was. The ladies, once again, didn't disappoint in terms of good, dirty fun.

For pictures (whether flattering or not) please make your mouse-way to Ley's and Eli's page. I love how kami tanpa segan-silu nya kacau abang Fidza. Ok, I did the kacau-ing. Like how when he was snapping our pictures and I went like "Ouh that's hawt..." Haha... But I think Fidza's brother think of us as irritants because we were screaming our hearts out to the karaoke songs. Takper, asalkan kita happy. And how for every sad song, Ley went like "Ah ini lagu aku... Ah itu lagu aku." Semua lagu kau lah Ley! Pikir kau sorang ah yang sedih keper hurhur...

I want to kidnap Suhana's baby (then return him to the mother when he soiled his diapers and need a bath hurhur...) He is so adorable. He could be the love of my life, until I have a baby of my own lah right... I want to eat him. He is THAT delicious. I want a baby. My maternal instincts are SO fucken kickin in already. I want to get pregnant, but I don't want a husband. (But that sounded wrong hor). I think I blogged about this before haha but I don't care. I think I'm at that age where it's very ripe to bear children. But shite, I just have to learn how to contain it. I'll go by each day feeling frustrated because I don't have a baby. I understand that babies are not cheap and they are definitely not easy to look after. Seeing Suhana coping with her boy, I wonder if I'm strong enough to lug him around, together with a big bag of diapers, milk bottles and digestive biscuits. Tak senang nyaarr... Susah har!

But never mind, I'll bid my time and wait. I'll have 3 babies. Aura, Edem and Eren. You just wait.

Because this evening, I'm gonna watch some hawt males with raging testosterones in the soccer field.

Sekiranya, aku memang LAGGING lah dalam update-meng-update nii...

I can't wait for the Raya outing with the rest of the Washingtons tomorrow!! Washingtons are: Awin, Eli, Jila, Ley, Ratna, Maz, Farena, Fidza, Ju, Suhana and Fazylah. We can't get a fuckin van in the end, so we'll go public tomorrow.

So since we're going public, all boyfriends, fiances, husbands and/or scandals are not allowed tomorrow. Just us, the girls. I've been craving for some girl action/talk without having to filter my mannerisms/words because they are boys and/or men around. I wanna act/talk dirty tomorrow. Hurhur... I think I will be quite upset if I find out there will be male(s) coming with us.

I'm going town alone later. To look for ways to spend my vouchers from Topshop and Marks & Spencer/John Little/Robinsons. $120.00 in all. My hands are itching to spend, spend, spend. In fact, I just spent on my hair during lunch break. I chopped some of them off. So now it's super-short, I'm sure my mum is gonna kill me when I get home. I'm still trying to figure out whether I look like a girl, a butch or a boy. But I'm loving it lah seyy!! Like macam so confident-(looking) and all... Sikit-sikit macam adik Fauziah Latiff. (Shut up, Ley. I know what you're thinking).

Makkau lapar nak mampos. I didn't eat dinner, breakfast and lunch. I've had half a green-bean bun (which was a bit basi, sial), Lay's potato chips and one-third of a salmon sandwich. Wahh I'm quite anorexic... Then puke everything out again at night. Haha tak lah bedek ajerr...

I've stopped puking out my food. I guess because I feel happier and feeling so much better about myself now. I'm not expecting anything, not even anticipating anything. I'm not letting myself get hurt again. I'm just relishing the awesome moments and believe him when he says that I'm worth it. That I'm really one in a million. (Kata Washingtons. Cheybah). I'm just taking it as it is. It's very tempting to just immerse myself in the delirious giddiness of love (or lust) but no way. Not anymore. I will have a good head on my shoulders. I mean, I'm sure I have always had a good head on my shoulders, but this time round, I'm more careful. I will have my heart guarded so heavily, you'd think it's a fortress. I just hope I don't go baring my feelings so easily this time. I'm not gonna do the "Here's my heart. Do whatever you want with it" shit anymore.

No way, Sirr..

Tomorrow, Washingtons. Love yous.

Here's wishing all my Muslim friends and readers, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!

On Monday, I came to work in my Punjabi suit. The bloody mat sold me a defected suit, with two holes at the bottom THAT I ABSOLUTELY AND CARELESSLY OVERLOOKED!!! I thought they were the flower motifs lah cann... So I spent the whole day feeling disturbed by the two holes. They looked like as if the vampire was feeling cloth-hungry, that kinda holes. Tsk.

And today, it's only apt that I should wear the baju kurung lah right? Cos if I can wear Punjabi on the eve of Deepavali, I should also wear the baju kurung for eve of Hari Raya, being Malay and all... But I never. Haha... Cos I'm quite shy. I don't know why lah don't ask. I'm sucha shame to my community, I feel.

*********************

I've been attacked from all sides. Why won't people just let me be? I haven't been happy for awhile now, and when I am, you don't like it. Because you're not in it. I didn't ask to be in this situation, you know.

What was I to do? Wait around for you? Again?

Because you know... You, you were all mine.

*********************

I'll see you on Monday, my lovelies.