It's lunch-time and I think I can squeeze in some minutes to blog. I'm that deprived.

I finally caught Spiderman 3 on Monday. Yan and I agreed that this third movie has too many things going on at the same time. Like, I have to continuously go back to the previous scene to recall what's going on.

And the day before, we watched Blades of Glory. Go watch that. It's hilarious!

This morning, I found a black lizard in the toilet, yo. Dead. How do I know it's dead? Because I saw some hungry ants hanging around the lizard. How do I know the ants are hungry? They polished off one of the dead lizard's fingers! Hurhur gross, lah balls. Do lizards have fingers, by the way? I continued bathing with the ants and lizard still there. After bathing, I asked Faiz to get rid of it. Hurhur. Best kan, got brothers.

And hey Yan! Chin up! This is not the end, okay?

SO.

WHO wants to know how my first two weeks at my new work-place went?

Tak boleh bilang. Pasal sini ada banyak orang kepo. Hurhur. That's besides the fact that this is a public blog in the internet. Hurhur.

Anyway, speaking of which, I heard from my ex-colleagues that there has been someone who enquired about me, claiming to be my good friend and all.

Question.

If good friend kan, why never call me to ask leh. Why must ask the people from my old firm. Abeh jangan claim to be my good friend eh please. I have more enemies than good friends, and that's putting it mildly. Well maybe 'enemies' is too strong a word. Maybe 'people who don't really like me' is more like.

I had so much to blog about!

But I don't know where to start!

Ok I know.

Last Sunday, Yan and I went to BioSkin for facial because Yan actually called in Perfect10 and won some $58 facial, usual price $200+ or something, you get the idea. So before we entered the place, aku dah kasi warning sikit dengan Yan. I told him, if they insist we buy the package or something, DON'T. Because I know some of these places can be quite aggressive in their marketing methods.

So 2hrs later, we emerged with our faces freshly scrubbed and microdermatologied, and sat in the little room to face what would be their marketing consultation.

And she started showing off the packages and all, promoting the various treatments available. Tapi kan, ada sikit salah lah. Seperti contoh eh.

"Okay if you want the spa package, you have to go to our branch at Wheelock because down here, we don't have jarkujji. Only the branch at Wheelock has JAR-KUJ-JI".

I couldn't figure out what was it she said at first AND THEN PLEASE EH~ JACUZZI LAH NYAAARR.... So I glanced at Yan and he was already smiling. I couldn't help it lah because I could read his mind, something like "Sial ah Awin.... Jahat siak kauuu..." So I laughed and laughed pasal kesian kan. Dia dengan semangat tau nak jual package ni abeh Yang and Awing laughing at her. And she's quite nice somemore. She didn't pester us. You can tell how well (or bad) a beauty place is doing by their marketing technique.

Abeh ada lagi eh, don't shy.

"For the O2 facial, we have cleanser, scrub, toning and moishturai". Teka lah apa moshturai tu.

MOISTURISER EH SILA~

Ok bye. Wanna meet Jilang.

I've made my last cup of milo in the morning.

I've used up the last of my staples.

I've finished writing my notes and 'to-do' list in my green notebook.

I've deleted the last of my personal folders from the PC.

I've said my last "M******* Partnership, good morning!"

I sang my last song on Class 95 on Arjun's old radio.

And, I've seen Wispy for the last time ever, because the chances of me bumping into him at 80 Robinson Road again is akin to say, my chances of being a supermodel. Hurhur.

Oh this one, I must tell you. I was saying my goodbyes in the office and wiping my tear-streaked face with Pret A Manger napkin and all, when Tharu and Kala called me on my phone and said the magic words "Faz, I think your Wispy is downstairs!"

I screamed to Angela to get her ass moving NOW, grabbed the last of my fags and scrambled to the ground floor, where, like a visage from my memory, I saw him, smoking by the main entrance. I wanted to smile cos I remembered Parveen urging me to just smile, but just as I was about to, he looked down. Bloody hell. Konon-konon malu ah tu...

He looks like Jake Gyllenhaal lah. Really! Jake with longer hair. Same mole above the upper lip all.

Yan, you cannot be angry with me okay. Because it's the same as your infatuation with that talent-less Avril Lavigne. Heh.

I think, I'm not going to blog for a long, long time now. Maybe, never? But that's a pretty strong 'maybe', baby.

This one's for the road.

Oh, I must apologise to Happy BirthLEY.

I think I must have told some people that Ley's birthley is on the 12th of May tetapi sebenarnya it's on the 11th! Which is today!

So the following conversation ensued between Happy BirthLEY and I this morning at 7 a.m.

Awing: (buat suara tak cukup tidur) Ley... Hello Ley... I can't finish watching your DVDs! How... I slept at 3 a.m. trying to finish watching it but still can't!

Ley: Tsk... Awin! Abeh macam mana... Where have you watched until?

Awing: Until the part where Rain got admitted into the hospital.... (buat suara kesian)

Ley: HAH... ONLY!! Tsk... Pagi-pagi buat orang marah jer tau...

Awing: Eh Ley tak boleh marah-marah tau... Besok kan birthday kau...

Ley: APA BESOK!!! NIARI LAH!!!

Awing: Huh bedek ah!

Ley: Uh... NOoooOo... My birthday is TODAY!

Erps. Sorry sorry ping pong jie hor, Happy BirthLEY. Dah lah tak balik kan DVD, salah birthdate pulak tu. Hurhur. But I know Ley is nice so she'd forgive me.

Happy BirthLEY.

Ok gorgeouses. Viva la Vivo this evening. Be there around 7-ish ok? We can be the ultimate consumist and choose where to eat later.

But Houston, we have a problem.

NO CAMERA!!!

MACAM MANA NAK CAM-WHORE NI!!!

During the weekend, I caught Jangan Pandang Belakang ("JPB"), the supposedly scary Malay movie.

Eh please lah, not scary lor... I don't know about you but for me, once I see the ghost's face, the movie has lost it's 'scare factor'. Because I know that all that jazz is just make-up. Which explains why Sadako from The Ring scared the shit out of me. You can't really see Sadako's face except for the one eye.

Anyway back to JPB, it's quite funny though. It's like a horror/comedy or something. Nonetheless, as usual, I watched with a veil of Bernard's Man U jersey that he gave to Yan but has now became mine. Hurhur.

I suspect that Yan is pretty jealous with the fact that I am forever clutching and wrapping Bernard's jersey around me. But Yan dear... Bernard is your best friend right? Kita kan threesome, kan? Mana boleh jealous-jealous. Alah macam Eli, you and I. Kan Eli, kan? Hurhur...

On another note, the clothes from Victoria Secrets are here! So on Monday evening after work, Parveen, Angela and I tore the box open with gusto macam kids who just received their Christmas presents.

I got my scoopneck heather gray top with studs, my pencil-skirt with gold studs (pasal aku feeling-feeling diva) and my white shirt with pinstripe vest! I so happy, you know! So elated! The skirt fits me like a dream and I think it sorta make my butt look awesome! Very smack-friendly! (~Smack that! All on the floor... Smack that! Give me some more...~ HURHUR)

The scoopneck top, however, is half a size too small, I think. I looked like a stuffed potato. A stuffed GRAY potato. Hurhur.

That aside, Angela just molested me! She grabbed The Girls and I think I am forever scared for LIFE!

I'm staying at work for as late as I possibly can. I think it's because I'm afraid I might miss this place. I haven't even started packing yet. I want to keep my desk the way it is now for as long as I can.

I think first jobs are a little like first boyfriends.

Very hard to let go.

(Ok wimpy Awing ALERT!~ Wimpy Awing ALERT!~)

Yesterday, aku feeling sungguh hot dot com tau!

Cerita dia begini.

You know how The Straits Times has an additional paper section for every week day of the week right? Like say, every Wednesday, there's Digital and every Thursday there's Urban. Urban being fashion everything. It is usually very interesting and filled with juicy bits of what's in fashion and what's not.

So every Thursday morning, this Urban section will be missing from the whole pile of The Straits Times. And I know there's one particular colleague of mine who likes to kaup this section. I wouldn't have minded if she kaup-ed it at the end of the day when everyone else have already read the paper. But see, she likes to kidnap Urban first thing when she strolled into the office at the 'early' hour of 10.30 a.m.

It has been going on for several weeks and I got tired of telling her to not take it before the day ends so I marched to her desk and said "EH! Asal kau amik benda ni! Can let other people read first or not??"

She: "Eh I like ah!" Me: "Eh you like, you buy your own paper ah! This belongs to the office you know!" She: "Yah so what!" Me: "Eh sial ah! Kau sebijik macam aunty (pantry) siak! You do wrong, nobody dare scold. But when I scold, you don't wanna admit. Ni kau belum tua lagi seh, dah macam ginik!"

Eh abeh terus dia tak boleh terima lah! Pasal kan aku compare dia dengan pantry aunty... So she shouted "You take this paper away lah! Jangan nak menyebok kat sini!" - cos I was reading the paper by her desk. Me: "GLADLY!"

That was before lunch. I thought by lunch, the incident would have solved itself. I saw that she didn't have lunch so about 4 p.m., I asked her if she wanted to go down for tea break. I started with "Eh babe, wanna go...." ABEH KAN TERUS DIA TENGKING AKU LAH - "YOU GO AWAY!! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU! YOU TAKE THIS PAPER AND PUT IT BACK OUTSIDE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AND THIS PAPER!!!!"

EH aper ni!!!

I was knocked out of my wits lah! Suddenly shout at me hor, macam kena possessed.

Wah wah wah!~ Aku tak boleh kena sound system DOLBY DIGITAL ni! Lagi-lagi kalau bukan salah aku. So aper lagi! Meh sini siap kau~

"EH! What the fuck you screaming for?? Why should I take this paper outside? YOU took it, YOU put it back outside! I took it from your desk, I put it back here! Please don't be childish ah eh... You're so much older than me but you behave like a kid! You don't have a right to scold people as you like, especially when you are in the wrong ok!"

But of course, she ignored me and walked away from her desk. And I followed her and said a final "What the FUCK siak. Grow up lah please!"

HAHHH kan aku dah main eff you see kay ni! Aku dah lama tak maki-hamun ni ha. Nasib baik I wasn't fasting yesterday, it being Thursday and all.

Eh the whole office heard eh! Macam two small kids quarelling about toys. Walhal padahal baru Urban. Gado pasal suratkhabar. Chet. We made it up somehow today. Phew.

I don't like tension in the office you know, especially when it happens with someone pretty close to me in the office. And especially when the next week will be my last at this current place.

Later today, I'll be going to Harry's for my farewell party of sorts, organised by some of my colleagues. Aku ni dah macam step minah-minah bar. Speaking of which, last Friday, I sampled drinks from Harry's called Pussyfoot and Virgin Mary. I love Pussyfoot! It's very the luuurrve. And Virgin Mary is ala-ala the wimpy version of Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary is tomato juice and tobasco sauce with a touch of vodka while Virgin Mary is adik nya Bloody Mary yang masih virgin. Hurhur. It's the same thing without the vodka. Pasal kan dia Virgin, so tak boleh minum-minum vodka, ok? Hurhur. Ok today I'll try something different. And I'll let you know. For those who don't drink and wouldn't step into a bar, take it as Lesson #101 of non-alcoholic bar drinks from me.

Hello earthlings! (oh my god that's so cheesy)

I had a busy weekend.

I finally caught Phantom of the Opera. I went with some cousins and a cousin's friend. Our seats cost us $95 apiece but they were situated like, the 3rd circle, balls. So the older cousins i.e. Shireen and I bought binoculars pasal kan kita dah tua and kiasu like that, takut tak nampak the play. Hurhur. I'm just glad I'm not sitting at the side or something, cos then I'd only be able to see the tops of the actors' heads.

Ok the props for Phantom is amazing ok, I'm telling ya! Macam WOW! gitu. Got staircase, and boats all... Abeh ada macam air-air gitu, on the stage. And the underground scene where the Phantom supposedly lives was exactly like how I remember the movie was.

Watching these kinda classics make me wanna be a theatre actress. I've thought of being one actually, among others. Hurhur. Best kan! Can wear costumes and have everyone watch me while I say my lines and get totally immersed in my role. Cheyba. I guess this is the narcissist in me talking.

Then on Labor Day, I hung out with Yan at the studio. We wanted to watch some movie but nothing sounded good and those that did, had very weird timings. So we ended up renting some vcds and watched them with Yan's boyfriend, Bernard. We shared Ben & Jerry's Oatmeal Choc Cinnamon. A threesome. Nice.

It was nice and peaceful until some people arrived and one particular girl who has got thunder for thighs came and was all clumsy and jiggly. Hurhur. Stop it sak Awing. So mean, understand.

But before that, I went for a hair wash. Ok meh sini saya ceritakan sikit.

I went to that salon cos everywhere else were closed. This place charges a bit more but I thought, what the heck. I was desperate for a wash.

I sat in my seat and waited patiently. The auntie who washed my hair was so bagus, balls! She scrubbed and massaged while I visualised all the knots in my head disappear and the blood in my veins circulated smoothly. Cheyba.

I know it's bad to scrub the scalp excessively but I don't care. The auntie gave a narration everytime she did something. Seperti contoh eh "Ok now I shampoo your hair one more time so cleaner hor" and "Ok now I put conditioner lotion so your hair smoother hor"... Ah macam gitu ah, you get the idea.

So while she was washing off the shampoo, eh GUESS WHAT?!?!

SHE WASHED MY WHOLE FACE LAH SEOUL!

Lepas dia dah cuci rambut aku, dia cuci dengan muka-muka aku sekali lah! Macam apa tau... Macam "eh I wash her hair already then her forehead wet so alah, might as well wash her whole face hor". My forehead, my cheeks, my chin all lah meh sini! I had a full facial! Save for my nose, the rest of my face was wet!

Ok so takper eh. It's just water, I thought.

Then she applied the conditioner (insert narration).

OK PLEASE EH DIA SAPU CONDITIONER KAT MUKA AKU EH SILA~

If shampoo tu dia buat macam cleanser to my face, then the conditioner is definitely the face mask! Mak eh... APER NI NYONYA?!?!?!!! SUKA-SUKA KEPER KASI ORANG FACIAL!! AKU TAK MINTAK PONG!!

Ok takper eh, baru conditioner. Kirakan, my facial hair (read: eyelashes and eyebrows eh, bukan janggut or misai) will be soft ah gini. Hurhur.

Then after washing off the conditioner, she took a towel AND WIPED MY FACE! DIA GENYEH-GENYEH KAN TUALA TU KAT MUKA AKU LAH! Lepas tu takper, she rubbed my eyes lah seh! EH tak nampak ke orang pakai mascara ni!?!?! Mascara AND eyeliner tau! Kenaper NI!

I was praying that I don't end up with panda eyes. Nasib baik my mascara and eyeliner are waterproof! But still! Aku macam dah boleh rasa mata aku macam melekat-lekat sikit ni when I tried OPENG my eyes.

When I got back to my seat, I looked into the mirror and surpressed a gasp!

Eh mata aku macam kena tumbuk lah! Nasib baik I brought the whole set of make-up bag!

So when I reached the studio, I quickly SOS sikit make-up ni ha... Kebret betul lah.

Why didn't I scold the nyonya since I'm always telling people off?

Simple. She is so sweet. She has a nice smile and I can't do that to her. She seems so sincere and I bet that her eyes are failing her pasalkan orang-orang dah berumur macam tu. So she probably can't see that I have some eye make-up on. She probably think that I have naturally beautiful eyes cheyyyydebah.