My little brother is all grown up eh sila~

I went to the history of our shared PC and found this girl's blog screaming out her pain and angst cos my brother did not reciprocate her 'love' hurhur. And she was so angry, you know, that she had this entry whereby she spewed all sorts of names about my brother and called him stupid and I wanted SO much to tag her and say something like "Why do you say my brother is stupid? Look at the way you type! I think someone needs lessons in English!" cos she spells 'maybe' as 'maeb' and 'can' as 'kan' but then I didn't cos, what difference would that make me from all the hate-taggers yah. And then I'll be 16 year-olds, just like them. So never mind, let her take her O levels in peace. Nanti dia depressed abeh bunuh diri macam mana... Kids nowadays are scary when they're angry, you know. They take drastic measures. I know of one who slashes her arms cos guys keep dumping her. Well excuse me, but if guys keep dumping you, you're either with the wrong ones or there's something wrong with you.

Wah I digress so much.

Anyway, my cousin texted me this morning to ask if I would like to join her in a yoga trial session.

Eh nyar, yoga on a Sunday morning?!?! Tak stim lah sehh! But since I was gonna be around the CC this morning anyway, I said ok. She siap bawakkan new yoga mat for me and I was quite excited lah. When I reached there, I saw a lot of abang-abang firefighter cos there's some course on life saving or something and I found out something weird. I didn't feel excited upon seeing them! Because I'm pretty sure I would have been if it was say, 3 years ago. I must be getting old :/

Anyway, back to the yoga. It's hatha. I had to go to the ladies to get changed first and when I came into the class, aku nampak orang-orang semua dah baring-baring atas mat. Dalam hati aku, eh apa ni baring-baring relek-relek, kata nak yoga ni. Hurhur. Apparently, you have to be relaxed first before starting with yoga. Err so ok I bentang my mat and baring relek-relek also hurhur. A few minutes later, the real yoga commenced.

At first, they were pretty simple moves. Lepas tu kan, eh macam complicated sikit eh. And then my cousin whispered that it was an intermediate class. HAH aper!! Eh badan aku dah kenyal ni from lack of exercise from many years abeh step mana peh heroine nak join intermediate class ni! Ok takper. Kita cuba lah.

As the class progressed, eh semakin melampau eh steps dia! Jila, if you think that the masseuse at Batam tengah buat stunt-stunt kat atas Hassang, alert eh ALERT! They must have taken yoga classes! EH banyak stunts eh nyar! There was this one step where you lie on your stomach, look up and stretch your head as far back as you can, your legs bent at the knees and your hands grabbing your ankle. AH CUBA LAH KORANG. Kalau taknak cuba takper, tapi cuba imgaine. I thought ok this is not so bad and THEN Tuan Logannathan the Yogi said this:

"Ok now try rocking back and forth on your stomach".

AH APER DIA TUAN LOGANNATHAN?!?!?! Rock?? I tried but I can't!! You know why?? Because I am as heavy as a ROCK, TUAN! Rock kebabai lah rock.

I was giggling to myself cos I was positioned just beside the mirror and I looked at my reflection EH KEKEK LAH LOGAN. So tak payah nak rock-rock ni semua lah eh. Rock maintain. But I looked over at my cousin and makdatuk dia rock macam nobody's business lah hokay.. Aku tengok semua orang dalam bilik tu as still as Tanggang abeh I see my cousin rocking macam ada viking dalam stomach dia maaakk eh~

And at the end of the class, he said to me, "Miss, I think you start off with the Beginner's classes first. This one was a bit hard for you right?" Aku macam nak roll my famous eyes at him and say "DUHH" but I'm polite so I didn't. I giggled and said "Yaahh" instead cos he seems like a nice person. Hurhur. I seemed to do alot of giggling during that class cos the whole time, I keep thinking 'beached whale, beached whale' hurhur I'm so unkind to myself.

Takper, kita cuba from beginner's class first and then when I'm flexible enough to do stunt-stunt yang lain, I can exercise better and kalau nanti aku jadi supermodel, jangan marah, you'll be asking me tips for the stunts hokay hurhur...

Good Saturday, everyone!

Yesterday was one of the best Fridays I've had since the year started.

The team had dinner at Morton's at Mandarin Oriental to have a celebration of sorts for my team director cos he was just appointed Senior Counsel. Kita celebrate kan untuk dia tapi dia bayar.

Before that, I was a bit hesitant to go cos HELLO Morton's eh... Bukan Hajah Maimunah ke... Carousel ke... If you don't know by now, Morton's is only the famous steakhouse from Chicago so macam mana ni! Takkan aku nak makan lembu langgar kann... So my boss and I surf the net for their menu and I was relieved to see that they do have seafood dishes tapi sila tumpang lalu, they are acompanied by some blanc blanc liquer lah, alah macam sauce yang dia tambah-tambah kan wine gitu. Hurhur. Nampak gaya, aku makan roti jer ah gini.

But anyway, all 14 of us plonked ourselves in the private dining room and some even started with the martinis. EH! Aku tengok, the martinis macam sedap kau! They smell nice! The perennial favourites are of course, the chocolate and lychee martini. Isy, cubaan siak. Macam nak lift up my index finger at the waiter and say "Abang, lychee martini SATU! On the rocks eh!" But then martini mana ada ice so jangan pandai-pandai lah Wing, minum Virgin Mary sua... And my Virgin Mary was very pedas lah ok! The tobasco sauce in the drink, weisshh! Tak agak-agak siol bancuh. It's like drinking iced tomato soup with tobasco sauce.

I wanted to get the lump crab cakes but I had a taste of it for the appetizers and it was delish alright but I thought I should order the broiled salmon steak instead and it was good too. Kinda melts in your mouth but the portion was huge, balls! It's those kinda places whereby, if you order steak, you get steak. If you order fish, you get fish. No sides of potatoes or vegetables. Tu semua, kau pandai-pandai order sendiri.

And the bosses gave the newly minted SC a gift - Man U jersey with his name printed behind and he were to wear it at least once when he's with us so we decided the team trip would be a good time. Speaking of team trip, guess who was assigned to plan the trip? Saya eh dipersilakan. Slotted for Bali so does anyone have a good location to stay at Bali for recommendation? I think I prefer Seminyak area so let me know. Thanks eh. That would make my job easier. It's so stressful shouldering the responsibility to plan a successful trip.

After many martinis and laughters later, some of us went to New Asia Bar to continue the night cos it's still young. Now, at any given night, I would have willingly gone with them. But last night, entah, I was quite reluctant although it was still early you know. Only 10.30 p.m. I had to be dragged by a colleague and I went anyway lah. Had pineapple juice (I'm sucha boring person. Nak minum pineapple juice, pergi beach ah eh? Hurhur) and 15 mins later, my mother called, saying that she's having the pains in her stomach again. The old, old sickness is back. My dad is asleep cos he has to wake up at 4 a.m. for work and my brothers are in camp and at work. And frankly, I'm the only one who knows how to massage her and get the 'bad air' out. So I left the party, at the risk of seeming like a party-pooper but family comes first eh. Party-party perek ni semua, lain kali boleh bisa diatur.

An hour later, the bad air is out and mummy could finally sleep. No emergency hospital visit in the middle of the night this time round, so thank God.

There must be a reason why I didn't wanna go to New Asia bar in the first place. I should learn by now that my hunches are always accurate.

Greetings to one and all. I want to make an appeal to the public.

Please donate $$ to the Build a Bridge for Awing Fund.

She needs a nose bridge so she can wear specs because of the leftover pimple in her eye.

Please call 1800-BRIDGES (toll-free)

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Salam sejahtera. Saya ingin buat suatu rayuan kepada rakyat jelata.

Sila buat dermaan kepada Tabung Amal Dirikan Jembatan Untuk Awing.

Sila buat panggilan anda ke 1800-JMBATAN (toll-free dalam bahasa Melayu apa, nyar?)

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Hurhur. I'm so fulla crap.

Really. I drank bird's nest with Chinese ginseng and rock sugar and now my stomach is having Cirque du Soleil. That's why its fulla crap. Pedih nyaaarrr... Macam pedas-pedas gitu perut aku. And this bird's nest is nothing like the ones I've drunk from hawker centres. It has this hamis-hamis, pahit-pahit taste macam bangsa kalau baru minum sikit jer eh, muka dah cramp, perut dah cramp, kaki dah cramp.

But I finished the whole bottle cos Kakak said, if I don't finish it, she'll whack my backside. She's very S&M one hurhur. You won't believe the bedroom stories she told me. So I gulped everything down while pinching the bridge-less nose.

I will have my follow-up check-up on the leftover tembel in my right eye tomorrow and boy~ Am I scared shitless!

Who can accompany me to the eye clinic? Maz, you're the only one I can think of, since you're sucha tai-tai nowadays while the rest of us work. Hah aper? Tengah collect air liur basi? Ok takper. I go myself. If I can go once to A&E and walked around with my specs over an eye patch, I CAN DO IT AGAIN. CHEYdebah. Then maybe mamat doctor will be there to assist me and he finds me so cute, he wanna marry me. Then I can be Mrs. Doctor hurhurhur pantart ah prasantan Kara tak habis-habis siak Awing. But I don't think he'll be at the eye clinic cos he's stationed at the A&E cheybah macam tau jer eh~

My 5-day holidays were pretty much wasted. Didn't go out much. Oh yeah I had 5 days cos this firm practices staff welfare, it decided to give us Wednesday free as well! So I went to a reunion dinner at the boyfriend's boyfriend's house where only 2 people are pure Chinese (him and his brother) and the rest are melayus or melayu-chinese or chinese-melayu-angmoh or rojak that kinda. Abeh nak step lohei lohei aku pong apa lagik, campak-campak benda tu. Sometimes I wonder if it's against my religion to do something like that but I suppose this is more culture than religion, right, so erm yeah... Dah jadik excretion pong lohei-lohei tu hurr...

I don't really have much to blog. Just that I'm scared shitless about tomorrow. I hate having to wait for something I can't tell if it's gonna be good or bad. Oh, the anticipation! PLUS, I have to wear specs tomorrow. Oh, crap~ I hate wearing specs eh nyah, cos my specs don't stay at the bridge of my nose because WHAT NOSE BRIDGE?!?! And if it's high enough, then my Anna Sui eyelashes will brush against the plastic. DO YOU SEE MY DILEMMA NOW?!? Which is WHY, I must get my nose fixed. I must pasang jembatan on my nose so it's a little higher so I can wear specs. Its not vanity ok, it's a necessity. So if you suddenly see me and think to yourself "Eh apasal Awing macam jambu sikit ni sekarang" haaa tu maknanya, jembatan sudah siap dipasang, tuan.

Oh Jila dear, since you're sucha pro on plastic surgery, what's the cost of a jembatan? Kita tak cerewet lah. Tak mintak AYE ke... PIE ke... Overhead bridge pong jadi lah. It's sucha pain yar, to have to keep pushing up my specs higher. Macam ada imbas-imbas zaman ala-ala Crescent. Alaa zaman gemilangggg. Hurhur.

Ok wuddahell am I going on and on about ni! I can't sleep! Argh! How am I gonna wake up early to exercise tomorrow morning before work ni!

Oh crap. Oh crap.

Yeap, you read it right. I have a pimple in my right eye.

It all started about 11 days ago. I had this itch in my right eye, and then the area around the inner eye was hurting a bit. Although it's not obvious to whoever sees it, it's there alright. Then last Thursday night, the pain went right up and a pus appeared inside the lower lid of my eye. You know, where your eyebag is? (NB Jila, where your Samsonite is ALERT!) So it's the INSIDE of the eyebag. It started off pretty small, then it grew bigger and bigger.

And aku pulak, pandai-pandai ingatkan pimple, so I let it be... Pasalkan pimple will subside after a few days if you don't poke it. PANDAI KAN SAYA TUANG-TUANG dan PUANG-PUANG. Pimple in the eye eh sila~

I went for DAYS with the pimple/tembel in my eye until I met up with a friend who works in a hospital lab and she advised that I better get is removed asap cos otherwise, it will grow bigger, harden, and then, I may need to have a day surgery to remove it. Saya macam panic sekejap eh sila tumpang lalu. So I planned to get it removed on Friday.

I went to the A&E alone and step mana peh berani, pergi sorang... But the pimple has to be poked. It has to be done, alone or not.

My name was called via the speaker and I was attended by this Filipino doctor (well at least she sounded like one) and I must admit, I looked pretty normal for someone who registers herself into A&E. No blood, no relatives by my side, mentally alert. So she was shocked when I lift down my lower lid and TA-DAA!! Hah amik kau pus-filled tembel! She looked at it for a few seconds and decided to call a senior doctor. Ni yang buat aku panic ni... Apa ni nak panggil-panggil SENIOR doctor semua ni! Cocok jer lah benda jahanam ni!

So I waited in the waiting room. A few minutes later, my name was called, again, via the speaker. Went into the room and a senior male doctor attended to me. He saw my tembel and he said "OH THIS! Don't worry, I used to have it like, 10 times when I was a kid". That made me feel lots better cos if a doctor has had it, then it's normal right, I thought.

He asked my Filipino doctor, to instruct me to put hot compress to encourage it to burst by itself and he gave me 7 days for the tembel to burst but I said "But it's been 7 days already!" and he said "REALLY??" and then asked the Filipino doctor to get some sorta anesthetic to numb the area. NOW, we're talkin.

He dropped some liquid into my eye to numb it and he said I should be feeling some stinging sensation to indicate that the numbing is taking place. HAH! Takder pong! I told him it's like normal eyedrops and it has no effect at all. And he said in his words "How bizarre!" to which I feel like continuing singing that "how bizarre, how bizarre" song hurhur... He told me to lie down cos he's gonna try poking the pus anyway. But when the initial sharp poke from the needle touched the inside of my eye, I gave a reflect action and blinked. He said he's not gonna continue the procedure cos it's not fair to me. APA yang tak fair ni, tuan doktor! Poke jer lah! It's so annoying having a tembel in my eye, you know.

Then he asked the Fili doctor to get something stronger, and when she came back, dia bawak kaum kerabat dia dari Philippines eh untuk tengok 'procedure' saya ni. How do I know it's her kaum-kerabat? Cos one sounded just like her. He said he wanted to see the 'procedure'. AH YELAH meh sini semua... Meh tengok kutil dalam mata kena poke.. Meh sini make me feel like a specimen from I Am Legend. I was lying there, unable to see anything cos my specs were off tapi aku nampak, macam ada satu bayang-bayang ni macam hensem. Sekali I heard him talk, EH MAT LAH EH SILA. Ah mat melayu ni, doktor ni haa. Hot ke apa NI! Cuma sila tumpang lalu eh, saya sungguh tak hot ni, lying there blind, with a kutil in my eye. Hurhur. So altogether, ada dalam kira-kira pakai kalkulator, AMPAT doktor lah kerumun-kerumun dekat katil aku ni. I couldn't ask to be a bigger narcissist than this.

My doctor came back and said to senior doctor, "Doctor, there's no more (insert stronger anaesthetic medical term here)." EH hospital apa ni! How can you run out of a medicine!!! To which he asked me "Young lady, are you brave? Cos if you are, I'm just gonna try another time to poke the pus". No way was I gonna look like a wuss infront of mamat doctor so I said "Yes, I'm brave. I have quite a high tolerance for pain". Neh ah high tolerance. Tapi takper. Kita cuba lah.

4 doctors and a nurse later, the senior doctor poked at the damn thing. EH SAKIT EH BEDAH, TAK BEDEK! So I said "Ok I bluff, pain PAIN!" but he didn't care, he continued poking deeper UNTIL I cried silently cos OHMYGOD have you ever felt a sharp needle ON YOUR RAW FLESH without anesthetic? No? OK takper, belum try, belum tau... Sudah try tak mau haha rip off from Ah Long Pte Ltd.

A few seconds later, senior doctor said "OK gauze GAUZE! Where's the gauze?!?!" abeh aku dengar macam ada orang kelam-kabut nak carik gauze. EH KENAPER sebelum dia cocok, taknak prepare ni semua benda-benda penting ni. "Where's the gauze? ASAP please... There's pus AND blood coming out!" HAH APER?!?! BLOOD? Eh kakak kau punya laki lah tadi taknak prepare tau ni semua... He was trying to keep his voice calm but I could hear a tinge of panic in his voice lah ok, don't try to bedek me. Tangan dia menggeletar, kau! His fingers were quivering eh QUIVERING. All this while, I told myself it's okay even if I have 1 eye to see for the rest of my life. And still crying, of course.

The gauze finally came but then he said "Please wrap this cotton wool with gauze please... And wet it a bit." OMG ada AMPAT doctor and a nurse dalam bilik ni and satu pong tak boleh harap nak amik kan gauze?? I can feel my tears and pus and warm blood dah meleleh keluar from my eye ni! Plus, doctor ni nyer fingers dah quivering, it's not helping at all...

The gauze-wrapped cotton finally came and he wiped the residue while telling me I was so brave and did well yadda yadda... And lepastu, semua left the room. Pasal show dah habis ke aper, jalan ah tunggu apa lagi... Nb. I waited for a few more minutes for the nurse to get the eye medicine and what-nots and I left the room with an eye patch. And my specs OVER it. Double tak hensem siak... I was woozy too cos I could only see with 1 eye. Waited again until my name was called for the 3rd time via speaker. By now, I was convinced everyone in the waiting room knew my name. Collected my medicine and left, still with the eyepatch, to go home.

When I took off the eyepatch at home, my right eye was filled with a sticky yellowish substance, although I wasn't sure if it's from the medicine or the pus.

And last night, I had a nightmare about a sharp needle poking my eyes, continuously. Hurhur.

Oh how fun it is to be me.