title.be.damned.
Friday, September 30, 2005
The heart's been having drastic palpitations recently. It'll beat really fast and then stop suddenly. I wonder if I'm going to die of a heart attack soon. Been doing a lot of wonderings lately too. I think it's time for that procrastinated soul-searching. I'm such a drama-mama. My colleague said that I should be born an Indian, purely for that same reason that I'm so dramatic. [Note: This is NOT a racist comment. My colleague, by the way, is Indian. So I guess she's allowed to say that]. But again, lately, I have mellowed. I have become so normal, in fact, that I'm beginning to behave like any other normal person. I'm not crazy anymore. I've been analyzing every minute (say mai-nju:t, not minit) moment of my being, and then question them. And if that opportunity breezes past again, I'll grab it by the neck and not let go. Can you spell drama-mama?
the enigma was spotted at 17:15
(0) comments
Wonders of my heart
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I wonder how it's like to slit your wrists and feel the warm, red liquid oozes out. Or how it's like to deprive yourself of food and drink; or puke everything out once they're in. I wonder how it's like to just cross the road without looking left or right. Or how it's like to conveniently open my room window and fly. I wonder how it's like to swallow 20 Panadols at once and sleep. And not wake up. Or how it's like to mix rat poison with my food. Where does one buy rat poison anyway? I wonder how it's like to just disappear into nothingness. I wonder.
the enigma was spotted at 10:21
(0) comments
that Malacca trip that week
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Took leave yesterday because I predicted I was gonna be tired and true enough, I was. The trip to Malacca was a-okay. Minor problems like the stalling of the relatives' van but other than that, it went pretty smoothly. Yan's car was fantastic and my family didn't have to deal with any problems. I had two die-hard fans there. A 7 year-old called Shafiq and an 8 year-old called Faiz. FYI, Faiz is my uncle by status, cos he's my dad's cousin. So when I first made my grand entrance, Faiz and Shafiq were giggling and nudging each other like two excited schoolgirls. A few hours later, both of them approached me and Shafiq said "Kak, Faiz kata kakak hensem!" (?) Me: Hensem? Hensem tu apa? (Eksyen tak tau ah) Them: Hensem ahh... Elok lah rupa makna nya tu hah... Me: Oh! Kalau perempuan tak boleh cakap hensem. Hensem untuk lelaki ajer tau... Kalau kakak, pretty. Ataupun beautiful ataupun gorgeous. (Received blank looks from them). Tapi pretty pun ok. Ok? (Cheyywah). Shafiq: Ohhh... Kakak pretty lah... Faiz suka kakak. Me: (beams. Kids. Always so honest.)
And days after that, they tagged along wherever I went. So glowing lah the feeling. To have loyal stalkers who adore you because you're hensem slash pretty. Haha... And Faiz a.k.a my uncle by status refers to me as 'Kakak Yang Rambut Kuning tu hah..." The wedding went fine. We had to deal with the scorching heat and wets armpits but I made sure I didn't make much hand movements. But lucky we didn't have to rewang-rewang all. Tak payah nak sebok-sebok potong cili-cili dan bawang-bawang. OH! And you must be wondering if I moved my bowels during the weekend. Guess what?? Yay for me! So there I was on Friday night, whole of Saturday and the most of Sunday, tahan-ing my bowel movements. I passed with flying colours. Quite impressive, I must say, controlling your bowels for 3 days - (You try. My track record was 5 days!! But that was 13 years ago. In Malacca also) - Just so that I didn't have to use their toilets. I'm not snobbish lah I swear, but I just can't stand it. That's cos I went to the toilet once when I was nine and it was those kinda toilets that was built of wood and the floors didn't quite go all the way down, hence leaving some space for chicken heads/duck heads/chicks/and whatchamacallits to freely surprise me with their appearances. Tsk. I feel so violated lah cann...
So I kumpul banyak-banyak and bombed everything out sekaliGUS on Sunday night and the whole of Monday morning. Hahaha... A tad gross, I know. All the ayam kampung, betik muda and sambal belacan, all OUT I tell ya, out! So satisfying. Hurhur.
Next trip, maybe to Pahang because another aunt of mine by status is getting married. When I was there, everyone asked my grandma and parents when am I getting married. "Hah... Ni Awin bilao lagi mau kawin. Tak lamao lagi lah ni hahh..." When they made such comments, I just tersengih-sengih macam kambing kat tepi jalan tu hahh...
(By the way, I'm lovin the Malaccan accent. I'm practising it at home and pissing my family off. I do a pretty good job, I feel).
the enigma was spotted at 18:26
(0) comments
that Malacca trip tonight
Friday, September 16, 2005
Y'all better buy TOTO or 4D. I blogged EVERYDAY this week, y'all!!! Hahahah... Be doing that trip to Malacca tonight. Though I know I whined about it in the last entry, quite looking forward to it actually. Dah lama tak nampak sedara-mara di Malacca tu no... Haha. Shit still got packing to do. I don't want to look too hawt while there. can you imagine... All the pretty tudung Malaysian girls will be whispering and pointing fingers at me saying "Tu hah... Budak Singapore tu. Lawa nyaa..." Erps. "I will NOT move my bowels there. I will NOT move my bowels there. I will NOT move my bowels there."
the enigma was spotted at 18:08
(0) comments
hunger pangs
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Today is the first of many, many days that I would be doing my qada' fasts. And already, I'm beginning to show signs of dying of starvation. Macam mana nak jadik Wanita Melayu Terakhir ni! Serves me right. Hegeh-hegeh lagik lah bayar puasa. So girls... Please do not procrastinate, like me. If you haven't cleared your qada' fasts, do 'em now. Two slices of bread with blueberry jam for sahur are hardly enough to sustain me throughout the day. Wanted to call SIX TRIPLE SEVEN! THREE TRIPLE SEVEN! but I figured out that I won't look too hawt in my Crescentian t-shirt and crumpled berms, and I might just scare the poor McDelivery mat at the sight of moi in the morning so ho-kaayy... Bread it is then. And so the whole of today, I was entertained by the sound of music my tummy made... Sungguh tak lawa dibuatnya. Will be making a trip to Malacca this weekend with the Supar tribe. My cousin who is residing in Malacca is getting married. Not really looking forward to it actually because: 1) Not looking forward to the ride to and back. I have motion sickness. 2) I don't want to sound like a snob but I REFUSE to move my bowels at the toilets there. I WILL tahan until I reach Singapore. Peeing is fine, because it is a quickie, but NOT moving my bowels. Nada, zero, zilch bowel action. 3) I don't want to help in the preparation of the wedding feast like cutting chillies and onions. Worst, if they (the makciks-makciks) asked "Awin, petikkan daun kesum tu sayang..." Mampos. I don't know my dauns, my sayurs, my ikans and whatchamacallits. 4) I will miss my precious's birthday. How shitified is that. A complete bummer. But anyhow, here's to a hopefully good weekend.
the enigma was spotted at 18:32
(0) comments
It's a boy!!!
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
So the receptionist has given birth. A few of us visited her at KKH during a self-declared "extended" lunch-time and the is baby sooo cute, I tell you! We were cooing, ohh-ing and ahh-ing but I didn't dare hold the baby. Mampos siak nanti leher dia terkehel ker... Anak orang sey. Bukan anak patung. Haha. And so words like "water bag", "induce" and "labour" are used very liberally here at the mo. I hear detailed accounts of mothers in the office who have been there, done that. All scary stories, I tell you. S.C.A.R.Y. I mean, they tell their tales when they were in the labour ward where the vagina opening (is it?) is not yet 10cm so the doctor has to cut it open, big enough for the baby's head to come through. Oh but before that, the doctor will put his whole hand to feel if the baby is ready to be delivered. And then comes the pushing and panting like mad, until your legs were bent up in the air because of the pain. Hell-OOO... To much information cann. But it's like a morbid fascination, you know... You hate listening to it yet you want to know more... So there I was listening to Faridah describing her delivery and the whole time, I was clutching my tummy and squeezing my legs close and making strange faces and noises, as if by doing so, I won't be able to feel it. How like this! I want to be pregnant by 25 because I want to be a young mum but after all the horror the horror, I have doubts now. Tsk. But seeing and smelling the baby, I want one of my own. Betul, tak bedek. I guess my maternal instincts are kicking in now. Baby, baby come to mummy.
Oh shit. Then must breast-feed all right?
the enigma was spotted at 17:31
(0) comments
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
"What is the female of papaya?"
"Mamaya."
the enigma was spotted at 16:36
(0) comments
star-struck: "I thought I thaw a puthy tat"
Monday, September 12, 2005
I was feeling lazy and lounging on my bed when my handphone rang. Farhan. (In an excited and urgent tone) Farhan: KAK!! Can you help me or not? Me: What you want lah! (pissed off, thinking he wanted me to transfer some money again). Farhan: I'm at Lau Pa Sat and behind me is Sylvester ok, you know the Singapore Idol that one. With his family having dinner... I wanna approach him and get his number. Now I need you to pretend to be his die-hard fan, so I can get his contact, for my business... Ok? Me: WHAT?? You crazy ah! You think he wanna give you his hp number is it?? Siao... Farhan: Belum cuba, belum tau... (the ever-positive person that he is) Eh please ahh kak... Favour eh please? A'an cuma ada satu kakak ajer... Me: Chet! Tau nak baik-baik. Abeh selalu tu kau kentutkan aku depan tv tu apa!! And anyway I don't like him lah! Kalau Taufik takper jugak... Farhan: Kak please ah... I got a business to run ok. It's not for you, but for me.. Me: TSK!! Han-NAH!! Faster cann!! Farhan: Ok the acting starts now ahh... REady!! (To his friend: "Oi get ready pen and paper lah oii! My sister ready already!") (I heard steps and moments later...) Farhan: Hi Sylvester right... My name is Farhan. Can I have your autograph? It's actually for my sister cos she likes you... Sly: Oh is it? What's her name? Farhan: Farzuin. That's F-A-R (bla bla) Can you speak to her? She's on the line now... Me: HELLO??? (squeals) SYLVESTER??? IS THAT REALLY YOU?? OH MY GAWWWDD!! (Ok this part I wasn't acting lorr, seriously. I was quite excited lah seyy.) Sly: Eh hi how are you... This one your brother ah? Is he schooling or working? Me: Mm he's studying and he works on weekends... Ok I'm really sorry to disturb your dinner with your family but I just couldn't pass off this chance!! AaaRGghh...!!! *giggles squeals giggles* (in my best I'm-smitten-by-you-baby scream) Sly: Oh it's ok... I'm doing this for you. Thanks for your support. Ok you take care ahh... Me: Ok bye Sly... (screams again) A few minutes later, Farhan SMSed me "Thanks alot... I love you". Yeah ok. I concede. Quite sweet of him. I called him up and asked if he got Sly's number eventhough I know he won't get it. "No ah never get his number, but I got his email. At least something apaa..." I can't believe I spoke to THE Sylvester on the phone. My brush with the shooting star.
the enigma was spotted at 18:23
(0) comments
three entries in a week, whoa!
Friday, September 09, 2005
Probably a first for me. Haha... So the Red Missy paid me a visit yesterday. The back hurts like hell. I have never had my back hurt like this before. This is incredible siol. Sakit nak mampos. It's like a strain on the spine, left side. I just hope it's not caused by my curved spine. I have minor scoliosis. That's why I walk funky. And strangers think I try to catwalk. Sila~ Went IKEA yesterday and that boy spent a whopping $800 plus on his bedroom stuffs. Some pocketed-springs mattresses. Tsk. I make do with hard sofa bed. But before that, we stuffed ourselves silly at Seoul Garden. The table next to ours, was a couple of ahh... boys. As in those kinda adek-adek boys, you know? I swear their eyebrows were more perfectly tweaked than mine, sila. And they sit with so much poise, I was quite embarrassed of myself. But they wasted alot of food lah seyy... See lah greedy Singaporeans. Just because it's buffet doesn't mean you take take take but cannot eat you know, you sissy candy-asses. Gonna get my fingernails painted later. French. So I can show off my Frenchy La-La Fingernails tomorrow at Eli's chalet. I can fling my hands first when I salam Eli's relatives, with my fingers wriggling. I can show a glimmer of white on pink when I flick my hair. Eksyen kuku cantik. Weeeeeee..... Emi here I cooooome... For the food.
the enigma was spotted at 17:22
(0) comments
hungry as hell
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Yaaaayyy it's half-day for me today. One of the rare occasions where that boy has an off day so I thought why not grace his day with my company haha... Probably be visiting IKEA to get some stuffs for his newly-renovated room. I swear we're gonna look like some happily married couple shopping for our new home. Tsk.
The back hurts. The tummy's bloated. The hunger pangs are here. The mood's bitchy. The Red Missy will come visiting soon. Oh yeah.
the enigma was spotted at 13:20
(0) comments
a beautiful boxer
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
... I saw her/him in the flesh!! But for ease of reading, we shall refer to the boxer as a Her. Yan and I were at Watsons @ Funan and I was talking to Eli on the phone and discussing Neutrogena toners when I saw her!! I was so excited that I came up to her and said: Me: Hi... (smiling maniacally) Her: Hi... (smiling with an are-you-mad look) Me: (running through my words now) I saw you in the papers the other day and I thought you were great. Her: Ok... (smiled and looked down) I was jumping with excitement between the aisles of Watsons and couldn't believe my freaking eyes. I mean I've always wanted to see her in person and there she was within a hair breadth's away! Me to Eli on the phone, breathing heavily: "Eli!! I saw her!! That boxer... You know..." Me: Psst yan! Take my picture with her lah can??! Use you camera phone. Yan, please please... (Me, skipping to the beautiful boxer. Yan, dragging his feet and smiling with amusement) Me: Hi again... Do you think I can take a picture with you? Cos I really like you... (and biting my tongue so I won't add the words "but I'm not a lesbian lah, you know...") We posed for the handphone camera. And at that very moment, Yan's bf Bernard had to make the obligatory phone call to his best friend. Yan had to reject the call and go back to the camera and in that few minutes he took to doing so, I grabbed the chance to do something I would never do under normal circumstances. It's now or never. I "accidentally" on puropse nudged her ahh... Assets. Firm. Generous amount. Lovely. I was shocked my sudden boldness that I broke into a cold sweat. Macam siao sak akuu.. Me: Ok WOW!! Great!! Hahaha... Thank you SOO much!! You know I really wanted to catch you in your one-woman musical performance during the weekend but I didn't have the time so I didn't but I'm sure you were great (babbling incessantly now). Are you leaving Singapore already? Ok have a safe journey!! Oh and you take care!! Her: Ok.. Thank you. Bye bye... And before she walked away, she threw one last shy smile at me and pulled her luggage trolley. Sial ah I swear she's more shy than I am seyy!! And I'm quite shy to begin with. I almost asked her to follow me to Sakura because I need her to help me beat someone up but I decided, nahh... Maybe next time. It would be nice to see the shards of broken mirror though. And when I looked at the picture in the handphone, the boxer and I, I was in awe. So... What do you call that. Demure-looking and sweet. Us both. Tsk. Tsk. By the way, the boxer's real name is Parinya Kiatbusaba.
the enigma was spotted at 17:25
(0) comments
train rides no more
Friday, September 02, 2005
I'm being a whiny spoilt bitch here. I took the train home yesterday cos Yan had some music session with his people. I was actually looking forward to going home by train because it has been awhile... So there I was, in the train standing and looking smug with a "hey-look-I'm-taking-the-train-like-any-other-Singaporeans" look. I was actually quite proud of myself because I wasn't being a brat and being a lazy-ass. Someone got down at a station so I scrambled for her seat. I was so beat that a few minutes after I sat down, I was already dozing. Seems pretty normal lah right, since most of the office zombies were sleeping anyway. My right leg had a live of its own. It shot UP lah seyy!! I was sleeping and I had my right leg crossed over my left and it's one of those things where your nerves are playing tricks on you and your bloody reflexes just made your body do things they don't want to. Especially when you're in the train! So there I was, dozing peacefully when I felt my right leg shot up high up in the sky. Then bangun macam terkejut gituk lah kan... Then pretended to call Yan and went like "Yah Yan, you called? You woke me up from my sleep. Tsk". As if it's his call and the vibration of the handphone that woke me up. Walhal itu sebenarnya kakiku yang bergerak dan tertendang dengan sendirinya. My resolve to not want to drive almost withered yesterday. Because I know I won't make a good driver because I have a short temper and I would be one of those road bullies who speed and point my middle finger while I speed past, the whole time blaring my horn. Yan always have to stop me from horning unnecessarily because he said I misuse the purpose of the horn. So okay, maybe I'll take my driving lessons soon. I can't be a tai-tai forever. I can't be a tai-tai at 22. There's plenty of time for that. I used to love train rides because I can see many interesting characters (like people clipping their fingernails and flicking their nose goo all over the place: think Eli) but now I scrutinize the seats first before I sit and I hold the pole with my thumb and index finger.
For now, it's time to be the road bully that I am.
the enigma was spotted at 18:11
(0) comments
