Cost of shampoo: $13.90

Cost of conditioner: $13.90

Cost of hair moisturizer: $19.90

Cost of the look on Ratna's face when I told her I stopped buying my own shampoo because I let other people wash my hair for me: Priceless.

It's true. I stopped buying my own shampoo months ago. I pay to let others wash it for me. Brat? Nope. If you are me, you'd understand that my hair is a pain to manage. I look like YahooOOooo~ in the morning. The pretty version. Hurhur.

So macam gini jer lah routine aku. I'd wash my hair at the salon every 3 days; 2 if it's too humid. I can't wash my hair every day cos it's fragile and super dry. I only wash my hair myself once a month, during that mandatory mandi hadas besar. Each wash cost me about $10, $9 if I wash it at the auntie salon behind my block. She'll wash it for me, blow-dry it for me, apply moisturizer all... Or kalau aku rajin, aku cuci sendiri kat rumah abeh suruh nyonya tu blow-dry kan. Baru $6. Hurhur. I refuse to buy my own hair-dryer cos I can't blow-dry my hair myself. Eh susah lah nyaaarr nak angkat tangan blow rambut. Penat nyaaarr... Lenguh tangan ku. Lepas tu tak straight pulak tu. Senget-senget, sebelah straight sebelah lagi curly. Mak ehh~ Macam itu perempuan sewel.

So I figure I don't need to buy my own shampoo/conditioner.

If you want to be like me and ala-ala tai-tai suruh orang cuci kan rambut, meh sini aku ajar macam mana. Not all shampoos are the same, but all shampoo girls/aunties are the same.

You step into the salon, ask how much for a wash and blow and when they quote you the price, you paused and pretend to consider if the price is reasonable. And always tuck your hair behind your ears. Always eh, jangan lupa. It gives the illusion that your hair is shorter, hence, she'll quote you a lower price. Kita David Copperfield sikit lah mari.

So she'll start applying the shampoo. Ok pay attention now. When the lady shampoos your hair, always close your eyes. This is to give the impression that you really enjoy her massages. But before you close your eyes, you frown a bit first, konon-konon macam kau tangkap stim ah tu. Trust me, she will massage your head for longer. Betul, tak bedek. The reason is really simple. When you close your eyes in appreciation, she will think you're really enjoying it and she'll gladly massage it longer. It's psychological. The benefitor is of course, you :) Then kalau kau nak lagi berkesan, you praise her. Like this "WAH you massage very nice, leh... My headache all gone." AH CONFIRM seratus peratus persen lagi bersungguh-sungguh dia picit.

But after washing and she's ready to blow-dry your hair, you don't close your eyes this time. You open our eyes, so she knows that you're looking and she won't asal boleh dry your hair. She'll take more effort in making sure she's drying it properly. Watch her every move. Kasi dia teliti sikit. Hurhur.

I'm speaking from experience eh, I'm not making this up.

I'm digging that song by Anggun. Snow on the Sahara.

Makes me feel like I'm at a spa on some island with fresh coconuts.

I put the blame entirely on Ley. Because of her, I think I am now a K-pop drama fan. Kenapa ni! Apa dah jadi ni!! I guess this is the equivalent to Hikmah or Dia or what have yous.

And I put one more blame entirely on the Pak Jawa. Or the Pak Jawa's government. Something has to be done about the forest burning, yo. I didn't enjoy my Hari Raya because I keep sneezing and coughing, sometimes both at the same time. (Have you ever coughed and sneezed at the same time? I'll tell you what will happen. You'll accidentally bite your tongue.) I was on half day morning leave on Wednesday, MC on Thursday and half day morning leave again this morning.

My mum had another seizure last night. I was scared shitless. She was in bad shape and I kept screaming to my dad to beat the red lights and to horn his way to the hospital. He did and that's where I realised I adopted his short fuse. Speaking of hospital, if I ever get pregnant and about to give birth, ALERT SIKIT FUTURE HUSBAND~ DON'T EVER send me to THAT HOSPITAL OPPOSITE DOVER ITE. When my mum wanted to give birth to my youngest brother, she had to wait for so long while the obstetrician smoked outside. My dad had to personally stormed up to the doctor and f***ed him up. My mum ended up with a caeserian birth.

Ok so back to my mum last night. She had that gastrititis (I think) attack again. My dad had to close shop and that took some time. At almost 10 p.m., my dad called me up and told me to come down and follow them to the hospital. I did the usual - cut a piece of ginger, pound it, pour hot water and drain, grabbed the serai roots oil - and waited for my dad downstairs. By that time, my mum couldn't talk, her body was icy cold and she was sweating profusely.

When we reached the hospital, I ran for the wheelchair so she could be wheeled in while my dad parked the car. Ok this is where I lose my cool.

The staff took their own sweet time eh. Aku tak boleh ni bila tengok mak aku tengah sakit abeh dia dilly-dally ni. So I went up to her and said "EXCUSE ME, LADY. What are we waitng for now?" Counter lady: "Ya ya the nurse will call you." Me: "Well can you hurry up because my mum is really in pain here?? YAH? She's a paying patient". At my outburst, the nurse who is supposed to attend to my mum heard me and hurried to her desk and called us. Let's call her Nurse 1.

By this time, my mum's lips got really pale and her eyes seemed vacant.

So the dilly-dally Nurse 1 dengan lembab nak mampos nya took my mum's BP and all. I asked "Is this really necessary? She wants the endoscopy now. What are you going to do now?" Nurse 1: "I'll bring her to rest awhile in the observation room. She can't see the doctor yet because the waiting list is long" Me: "LOOK, IF ALL YOU GONNA DO IS LET HER REST, I WOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE. SHE CAN REST AT HOME! YOU DON'T SEE ANYONE HERE TRYING TO BREATHE AS DESPERATELY AS MY MUM, RIGHT?!" By this time, I realised I've easily accumulated a few fans in the waiting room. Nurse 1: "Uhh yeah ok I'll give her some medication." Really eh? No kidding. N*b*i understand?

She wheeled my mum in and placed her on the bed. Then she left. I was struggling with 2 bags, a minyak serai, and my mum's weight. My dad hasn't arrived yet. I don't see any help nearby. Ok takper. Aku superwoman, I can manage eh... Takper. 5 mins later, no nurse, no medicine, no help. I finally saw one coming and asked if she could check on my mum. Let's call her Nurse 2. Nurse 2 said "Yah yah I'm taking her medicine now." Another 7 mins later, no sign of nurse and/or medicine.

So I took matters into my own hands and stormed into the nurses' room. "WHERE is the nurse that is supposed to attend to my mum???" Nurse 2 looked up and said "Yeah yeah I'm preparing her medicine now!" Me: "My mum is in pain now, can you understand that??" Nurse 2 (in a defensive tone, dah siap nak argue dengan aku): "Yes but I'm doing it WHAAATTT." Me: "Well then can you do it a bit FASTER?? Do you need me to help you with your job?? PERHAPS that would be faster, YES?" Wah~ Bukan main jawab balik eh... Lepas tu dia jeling aku, kau! Oh jeling eh, takper. Pernah kena stare dengan aku tak? Pernah kena complain letter dari aku tak? Tunggu kau.

I rushed back to my mum's bed and my dad was shouting for the bloody nurse. She came walking. That's right, walking. When she should be running. Or at least walking faster. Sheeshkebabi. Then she pulled the table for the medicine. EH tarik meja macam tak makan lah eh! Meh sini aku tolong tarik. I took all medicine from her and took over from there. Pasal dia tak guna langsung. Nurse 2 is not local, so she didn't answer back to my dad when he gave her a earful. Takut kena hantar balik negeri dia kan. Ah tau takut... With me she can answer back, because she thinks I'm young and clueless. Well, but I've been around A&E long enough to know what should be done, understand?

In the car on the ride back home, I made my mum promised not to send me to that hospital if I'm ever in labour. I'd probably give birth right there on the hospital floor and probably had to cut my own umbilical cord.

I finally succumbed to the evil throes of the haze. It started with a lump in the throat. I felt like I've grown another tonsil. Followed by sneezing and finally, fever.

So I had to 'batal' my puasa and visited the doctor to collect some medicine. Wah bukan main pak-pak Jawa kat Indonesia ni eh~ Too much, understand? Nanti kalau aku sakit time Raya macam mana ni? Nanti kalau tak boleh pakai baju Raya yang aku beli sendiri macam mana ni nyah!

I have a pair of tickets to the Hype Up concert next Tuesday. FREE. I got it from an old friendship rekindled. 8 p.m., 24 October 2006. I know, I know... It's Hari Raya and all bla bla... But if you're like me and wouldn't mind sneaking out for awhile to watch Hady do his stuff, then COME!

But here's the deal.

:)

I got a PAIR of tix mah... Then I also want to go but nobody wants to go with me cos its Hari Raya bla bla. I had been cursing the organizers because they are so daft as to organize it on a public holiday. Suka, kalau aku organize Hype Up concert on Christmas Day or Chinese New Year, time korang nak lohei lohei?? SUKA TAK?? >:(

Get back to me soon for that free ticket.

In the mean time, HAPPY DEEPAVALI & SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

The firm closes on Monday. So don't hate me, luvlies.

Yesterday was a day well-spent. I made chocolate chip cookies in the morning and bought my baju kurung in the afternoon. I swear Angsana at JB looks like Singapore not because of the interior but because there were so many Melayu Singaporeans shopping there.

I don't usually like to buy new baju kurung/kebaya for Hari Raya. I think I stopped feeling excited for all-things-new about 3 years ago. Because I have so many of 'em baju kurung as it is. And I don't wear them often except for maybe weddings but you know how I feel about weddings so...

My mum would be nagging me to at least get something new cos she said 'not nice lah cos I'm already working and not get a new baju kurung...' or somewhere along that line. So usually someone would be nice enough to 'sponsor' me a new pair and I'm always grateful.

But guess what? I bought 2 pairs of baju kurungs for this year lah seouls. I don't know what came over me. I bought bukan satu tapi DUA baju kurungs! Haha I know it may not sound like a big deal to some but it's quite phenomenal to me. What is more, I bought them out of my own free will. And out of my own pocket, too. So yeah I'm a happy bunny.

Yan bought like, 3 pairs of chapal for his dad, his brother and himself. Anak mithali, he. Here's a tip when you shop at JB. Bargain like there's no tomorrow. They would usually mark up the prices so high, you'd be stupid if you don't bargain. I'm the Queeng of Bargaining. I'd put the seasoned shoppers at flea markets to shame. Hurhur. This is not cheapskate, understand? It's getting what you want at a very good price. And rightly so, too.

Ok lah back to work. Ciao chin chow bandung soya bean.

FYI, I hate chin chow, bandung and soya bean. But if there's only these 3 types of drinks in this world and die-die I must drink, I'd go with soya bean first, then bandung, then chin chow. Chin chow is actually drain water with maggots leeches.

Attention to The Lovelies.

Robert ROBERT ALERT!!

Tomorrow is the Mega Gathering of us. 19 of us are gonna iftar together at a secret venue. I hope you know where and when because there's no way in hell I'm typing it here. Kita ni kan ada ramai peminat. Kalah celebrity, ok? Hady Mirza punya peminat yang berduyun-duyun tu pun kalah, ok? Macam paparazzi and mamarazzi.

19 of us. 18 HOT girls and 1 HOT boy.

Hooo boyyy...

It's gonna be one helluva night, balls.

P.S. Ley dear, please bring camera. Bring extra memory card. Bawa 3, 4 pun takper. Kalau takder paparazzi and mamarazzi ni, nampak gaya, kena amik gambar sendiri, hokay? Eli, camera ai mai? I'll ask Rohaya to bring hers too. Hurhur...

Oh and dress your bestest, ok? So I can send our pictures and an article to Berita Harian dengan tajuk "Gambar Panas". HarharHAR...

P.P.S. It's the cold. I swear it's the cold that is making me nuts.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is apparently the new pick-up line. The new art of conversation, which hopefully will grant him the girl's number. Ala-ala Opening Statement yang bagus, kata lawyer aku.

And that, is the next question that follows, to test the waters if the girl is attainable or not. Handal betul lah lelaki ni... So creative hor. Note to all guys: Sila come up with a smarter and wittier opening statement. Lemau lah nyaarr tanya pasal Friendster.

When I told my mum about that stranger who pick girls up in the train, she giggled like a school girl. Giggled eh~ Suka mak aku dengar aku kena picked up.

Washingtons don't get picked up, ok? We get plucked. HaHAHA ok tak kelakar sey Awingg.

Didja see my sister on tv last night? In Lara Croft, Tomb Raider? Didja? Didja??? Alah kakak aku si Angelina Jolie tu haa... Hah ni ADIK Angelina Jolie, Awina Jolie.

HARHARHAR HORHORHOR HURHURHUR ok tak kelakar eh aku tau.

Moving on.

Nothing like funnies to kick start your Monday. Got this a few weeks back and have been meaning to post it up.

About a year and a half ago, an elderly man with one and a half legs with crutches set port at one of the nooks at Raffles MRT underpass.

He sells tissue paper.

He started out pretty well - his hair was combed, his eyebrows short and neat. He sells his wares with a clear voice. "One dollar, one dollar, one dollar, one dollar... ..." His tissues go for 3 a dollar. From that day, I stopped buying my packets of economical tissues from Watsons and buy from him instead. Never mind that I only get 6 packets of tissue for $2 when Watsons has 16 packets for $1.99. Uncle's tissue paper are always 3-ply and of very good quality. Always 3-ply.

He has never shortchanged me.

In recent months however, I notice that his health and his speech has begun to decline. His hair uncombed, his eyebrows longer and untrimmed. So kesian, I tell you. He went from "One dollar, one dollar" to something like "WON de, WON de, WON de". And it seems like it's harder for him to speak properly. I think he forgot to say "one dollar" already. And sometimes, if it's one of his bad days, it doesn't even sound like "won de". It's some gibberish sound.

Sometimes, I see people giving him dirty looks, as if his chants for your stupid dollar in exchange for 3 packets of 3-ply tissues is an intrusion to your personal space. When I see these imbeciles, I always envision pushing them from the back and kicking their asses with my pointy heels.

There's a period early this year when Uncle went MIA for about 3 weeks. I kept a look-out for him every morning at his usual spot but he wasn't there. I thought he had probably kicked the bucket and I remembered feeling so depressed, like maybe I should have bought more tissue from him or something.

But he came back a few days later and I wanted to hug him because yay! Now I can buy tissues from him again. And I also developed a strange habit-giving him more than a dollar for 3 packets of tissue each time.

Once, Uncle wanted to go to the gents. So he left his tissues at the spot, reached for his crutches, and slowly pulled himself to the gents. I wanted to look after his tissue for him but I was late as it was and also cos I thought, a bit siao-siao, yes? Standing beside packets of tissue at 9.10 a.m in my office clothes. And knowing myself, I'd probably help him sell the tissues hurhur... Excuse me eh~ If I can sell ice to Eskimos, I can sell tissue papers to imbeciles cheyybah...

I have now amassed like, 10 tissue packets-some in my drawer in the office, and my bags at home have at least 2 packets of tissue each. I never run out of tissue, thanks to Uncle.

I think I will dread the day when I don't see the tissue Uncle there anymore.

Because seeing him and hearing him every morning gives me a sense of hope that things will get better.