whimsical flights of fancy

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fallen from Grace

Monday, April 11, 2005

My cousin just gave birth.

It wasn't your typical childbirth in the hospital with epidural and your husband by your side kinda thing.

Suffice to say, I was scared shitless when I heard the news. I grew up a good few years after that.

When situations like this happen, it's easy to point fingers at the distraught parents, or at the wayward teenager, or even at the damn condom that broke. But Life's more than just that. I'm just happy us Muslims are born with patience and forgiveness. If He is forgiving, why not us mortals right?

The baby was sooo cute, I tell you. Make me wanna have one of my own. But that can wait. I have more important stuffs to deal with right now.

Like my girl Maria got fired by Trump. Shitty debang-debang. No more Chi chi New York as eye candy. Already Raj the bow-tie was fired. Who the hell am I suppose to look at now?? Never mind. At least there's still I'm-THE-national-debating-champion-I don't talk-much-I-listen-more-Harvard Andy. Have you noticed his lips?

Another important stuff I'm still learning to deal with right now is to be a better person. It's cliche I know but really... I gotta do this.

I'm an angry person. I get angry easily, but I don't let things go and make peace just as easily. Because of this, I hurt my loved ones. I lashed out this acid tongue a little too liberally sometimes. Consequences? To hell with it. My opinionated, angry mind rules first. And I hate it.

Does an angry person makes a sensitive one? You bet. I'm so f***in complicated, even I can't figure myself out sometimes. And all this is because of PMS. I'm not letting PMS take all the blame, but it IS to be accounted for. Like when I'm angry and mentally-dysfunctional. PMS just makes it worst, you know...

Many things I've said and done, I wish I can take them all back. Something monumental happened and it woke me up. I can't be going on behaving the way I did. Too much anger, too many feelings hurt, too many mistakes. Something's gotta give. And it's my anger and my ego. Shoo shoo go away Anger and Ego.

Please Allah, make me a better person. I realised how little time I'm left with in this world and I don't want to die an angry woman. Let me have the strength to let things go and not dwell on it but if I must get angry, then let me be angry with grace. And then forget and forgive.

It is already April, but I should have made this my new-year resolution. I hope I am not too late. I hope, with all my might, that he gives me a chance.

On a lighter note, I watched Samara with that boy on Saturday. Scared shitless. But I won't really recommend it. It's hokay-scary-in-true-Hollywood-fashion.

And last week, kinda had a blast at the chalet. When my queens and my girls came, I felt better than I had earlier that day. We borrowed someone's speaker, shut all doors and drew the curtains, and we danced like mad. We, meaning us Queens and Suhana. But shy Suhana didn't dance so it was just us Queens. And Jila said, "Ni lah budak-budak tak pergi clubbing eh... Joget dalam bilik". It was funny when said in jest like that.

It's true. Us 3 look oh-so-happening but we're actually not. Among us 3, we've only visited Cheeky Monkeys and dbl-o once each time. Eli hated Cheeky Monkeys and dbl-o was hokay for me. I'd love for another get-together with them queens and the girls. It'd be a riot I tell you. And this time, we'll bring our own radio/speakers.

And we're camera whores, I tell you. At least I know the Queens are. When left by ourselves, we're quite contented snapping pictures of yes... Ourselves. Modesty at its best.

And so, today is a new day, a new week.

I must change.

the enigma was spotted at 13:05