Dear Washingtons:

We thought tomorrow would be a good day to meet, but Rai suggested next Saturday would be better, cos it's the school's fun fair. What say all of you?

*********************

Lunch with Huda was nice. Wished Dayana was at work so she could join us for lunch but that woman was happily on leave. Shake leg only. Chet. Macam itu tai-tai.

And I bought a new pair of red shoes. I am in love. With my new, red shoes. One-inch heels. Any higher, and the red shoes will veer into slutty bang-bang road-rockers, and accidents on the roads will occur. I just hope I do the red shoes justice haha...

I think, that it should really be entirely up to me on who I want to date. Blardee imposer, aren't you?

*******************

Some things are better received than given. Like:

1) A massage - Hello PLEASE!~ Do you know how good a massage feels like? If you don't, you're really missing out on a lot. And please eh silakan~ We're talking about Shiatsu, Swedish, hot stones, Javanese massage and the likes. Not the kinds that are from Mei Mei Massage Parlor, or Beauty Face Massage Center (misspelling intended) or Ah Sui Massage Parlor, okay you get my drift. Those dodgy places where the lights are red and the lipstick colour of the masseuse is even redder.

2) A manicure - Never mind if the aftermath makes your fingers look like (fill in the blanks).

3) A shampoo - Have you tried to shampoo your hair like how the shampoo girl at the hairdressers' did? Not the same, understand. Last week, I went to some cheapo salon at a certain shopping mall where the patrons are born in the 1890s. So not surprisingly, the shops are also pretty ancient. Likewise for the auntie who shampooed my hair. TAPI EXCUSE ME EH~ She was so good that my headache disappeared and I walked away light-headed. And at the end of the shampoo, she handed me a cotton-bud. Apa ni nyaarr... Kasi cotton-bud. I was wondering if she thought that my ears were filled with so much wax that she noticed while shampooing. But then, I saw alot of cotton-buds all over the place. As in, USED cotton-buds. Ah I geddit. Shampoo with frills. I like. I smiled while digging happily into my ears.

4) Foot rub - Utter bliss. Need I say more?

There you go, ladies and gentlemen, my list of the things that are better received than given. And oh, money is also better received than given. Hurhur.

Suddenly, I am not clueless anymore. Thank YOU for letting me see the truth. It's such a relief. A big ball of uncertainty just got lifted off my chest.

I am always misunderstood. When I am serious, people don't take me seriously. When I kid around, people take me seriously.

It's such a demanding world.

On Saturday night, when I was about to drift into Dreamland, my handphone beeped, signaling a message.

Rai: Awin, your handphone can receive pics?

Awin: What are you sending?

Rai: Porn pics.

Awin was jolted out of stupor and was suddenly WIDE AWAKE. Hell-ooOO00... Rai? Porn pics? Tak kena lah sey... So salah, understand... Haha...

And the much-anticipated porn pic came. It was HER Caveman. Ahh... So THIS is how the Caveman looks like. Quite panas. Panas macam seterika. Sexy lopsided smile and all. I concede. Quite hot lah Rai. Congratulations. Hurhur... We share, ok?

Anyway, a message this morning by dear Arafah made me smile. That's enough happiness to last me a whole day. See, it doesn't take much to make me happy, you know :)

... to Arafah, Zul and family, on the demise of your beloved baby.

Our doa's are with you.

He is so adorable. Like, even if his singing is bad, you can't help but love him. How not to love someone who looks like him seyy... Soo... Endearing.

Don't believe me? Look.

Chicken Little, no?

THAT is of course, as opposed to, THIS.

I want to be thin again.

I want to be thinner than Whisper Ultra Thin.

And I want to be hotter than a bowl of tom yam soup from Jurong Point's Banquet. Hurhur.

Oh! Speaking of hot, Ace Young is on tonight. I need my fix of Ace every week. I dread the week when he's gonna be voted out. Until Rai shows me HER caveman, I declare Ace the hottest male on Earth. He's like sex on legs. HURHUR.

Mr. Aye to Zee did not disappoint me. At all.

I enjoyed myself tremendously. Thank YOU for the ticket.

Jason was so endearing and funny and charismatic and hot and he can sing and play the guitar. Oh, did I just described my dream guy? I want to fold him and put him in my pocket and bring him home to show my mum. Macam Polly Pocket. Hurhur...

He is so talented. He did quirky things like break into an opera and sang Black Eyed Peas' Where Is The Love in the middle of his songs. One disappointment though. He didn't do Bella Luna. I almost screamed in anguish. Cheyybah. And he has this funny sort of actions he did with his legs. You know... Like put both knees close together but feet apart. And did a little jiggle, almost like our NCC's Chiko Cha dance. Jason Mraz is SUNGGUH HOT lah sey!

Oh speaking of sungguh hot, digress a bit. They were showcasing the Sungguh Hot finalists on Suria channel yesterday morning and my mum was like "Ni tak lawa lah... -next- Cannot make it... -next- Ok scrape... -next- Ee please! Where are all the pretty girls, ha?!"

Me: "Pretty girls don't join this lah ibu... Pretty girls are too pretty to join this."

Mum: "Oh eh... Abeh kira-kira pompuan lawa taknak kasi tunjuk ah... Simpan dalam hesbok." Hurhur.

Ok back to Jason. You gotta be there to actually know what I mean. He was so mesmerizing. He has a sexy voice. He has good dress sense. (Ok now I just made him sound gay). I was almost in a trance. Just staring at him with my mouth open, unblinking. I think Huda can imgaine how I look because she likes to make fun of me when I have that look during lectures.

Anyway, had a really good, long talk with my mum yesterday. It's been quite awhile since we had our girly talk, what with her and dad being busy and working 24/7.

I told my mum things that have been happening with me lately. Told her of my bump-into with The Crass Society. She told me not to take umbrage on these things. She told me some of her experiences too, when she was younger. She said that when people laugh along with you, it does not mean that they like you. That when people are nice to you, it may not be all genuine.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?!"

"What good would that be. I let you find out yourself."

And then I confessed to her that I've tried my lips at smoking.

She didn't blink an eye. She merely said "So how now? You still smoke?" I said No. Which is the truth. Gawd, I've told her honestly that I go clubbing and I've smoked and she didn't even give me a hard time! See, when your mum places that much trust in you, you just don't feel the need to do them anymore.

My mum is my biggest cheerleader. She always trust my decision in life. She always want the best for me. She has never stopped me from doing anything different. She is the one who has the most faith in me, even when my own resolution fails.

I think my mum is ultra cool. It's just that sometimes, I overlook that fact.

Awin and Apolo Anton Ohno.

Awin and Ace Young.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

This is MY cheap thrill. So please excuse me. Hurhur.

I am such a siao char bo.

To gear up for the concert tonight, a colleague and I bought new clothes during lunch break. I bought a top. She bought a whole wardrobe.

As if Jason Mraz is gonna sing Geek In The Pink halfway and notice us sitting amongst the audience and say "HEY GIRLS YOU BOUGHT NEW CLOTHES FOR MY CONCERT!"

We are vain. Vain are we.

I love words that rhyme.

How now, says the brown cow. Like that lah, says the zebra.

I try to keep a jumble, and the lyrics never mumble.

Aku tak sabar lah nyaaarr...

Ok 'fess up!

WHO WAS THE 10,000TH VISITOR?

Some people have class. Some people reek of crass.

My accidental brush with the Crass Society was on Tuesday.

And my word, it was an eye-opener! I almost forgot how nasty some people can be.

I am the sort of person who will give you a call at random times if I suddenly think of you, especially if we rarely meet. And this particular person has ran through my mind a few times now, and I wanted to call and ask how she has been doing. But she changed her number, and all was forgotten.

And then I bumped into her two days ago. Being me, I was excited to see old-time chums, youknowwhatImean... I jumped, raised eyebrows and all, and squealed my excitement. But what do I get in return? Rolled eyes, sinister looks and Mona Lisa smiles.

All I asked for was her number. I could sense, though, that she didn't want to give it to me. I would understand and step back gracefully and say "Oh ok, that's alright." Instead, I receive very, very distasteful comments and many side-stepping of the subject in question. Ah, I almost forget how political things can get, especially when you're in Poly. But two days ago, thanks to you and your equally unclassy sidekicks, I remembered.

I won't say I hate my years in Poly. Wonderful people like Huda and Dayana made it all bearable. But there are some whom I just wish I didn't know. Because when I found out you're not the friend I thought you were, it breaks my heart.

Next time, IF we bump into each other again, don't say Hi to me, because all I'm ever going to receive from you is a reception colder than a corpse.

Next time, IF we bump into each other again, don't acknowledge my presence, because all I'm ever going to receive is a sunken feeling that mean people like you still walk on the face of Earth.

BUT IF next time we happen to bump into each other again and you accidentally acknowledge me, then don't pretend you like me. Because the three of you are very bad actors. A shame.

My tongue wanted to wag very nasty things that day, but I'd end up just like you, wouldn't I?

The Crass Society.

Dang, I missed Ace Young's performance yesterday. For those, like Ratna, who don't know who Ace is, he is that super hot guy in AI. Alaahh... Ace Young (yang) rambut dia panjang tu lahh... (Hurhur pun intended. I'm so funny). Ace Young bibir sek. Ace Young kalau nyanyi, mata stim nak mampos. HURHURHUR

When I slept over at Nana's place that night, I received some wonderful things. Like her red top. And her black shrug. And her uber cool black longish top. And her pink tube top. Don't ask me what Ratna is doing with a tube top. My tube top doubles up as serkup dalam tudung.

I wore the black longish top to work today, and everyone loves it. I loves it too. I very the luuurrve... Lurve very the I. I look so Bohemian Rhapsody. Tak sia-sia aku sleepover. Hurhur...

How come nobody told me there is an Ace in American Idol?

Last Thursday was the first time I watched AI since it started its fifth season.

And I just realised there is an Ace.

So tell me, is he hot, or what?

Easy on the ears, easier on the eyes. I very the luuurrve...

My weekend nights were lovely. The Pianist and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen made my nights. I can't wait for Gangs of New York next week. Ahh... I have many, many men to accompany me soon. Hurhur... So what if they're on tv.

Guess where I am now??

Yes I'm a-type, type, typing away on the computer at Ratna's house!! Hurhur.

So I didn't go to Momo. Because I'd rather spent the night with that girl than go gyrate with some stranger. Save money and save those strangers. The dance floor will be safe again! Hurhur.

(Oh I'm listening to Backstreet Boys' Anywhere for You! Stim beb.)

Ratna is frantically doing her lesson plan. Aku relek-relek msn lah, blog lah, checkin out some hot bods lah... Hurhur.

I think I know why I am not a teacher. Because, as I have told Ratna, I would smack those kids yang tak cute tapi setep cute. Haha... So violent right, I know. Like, if I see any crying kids in the train, I would go up to their parents and say "Eh, control your kids, understand." Then turn to their kids and jitak sikit and say "Eh tiam-tiam, understand."

Hurhur. But of course I don't do that lah... I imagine only. I can imagine Arafah's shocked and horrified face, close to fainting. Don't worry okay Kak Pah. This imagination of mine only applies to kids who are not cute. Both of yours are ;)

OH ok I GOT to tell you this.

This morning, on my way to work, I saw something so AMAZING.

Something so UNBELIEVABLE.

Something so ASTONISHING.

Have I tweaked your interest yet?

Yes, you read me right the first time round.

Ok so this is actually quite natural. I mean, we can't really control hair growth on our legs, right? But we can control how long or short we want it to be. And this girl, she prefers hers long.

Ok from the outset, I want to say that it's perfectly normal for girls to let the day-old stubble show. We just cover it up with pants or jeans or long skirts, whatever. But we DO NOT go out in public wearing shorts and with hair on our legs, right? Well at least I don't.

And please eh, we're not talking about those forgivable stubble. We're talking about full-grown hair! And the hair on her legs were long AND curly lah sey! I kid you not.

When she walked into the train, the first thing I noticed were her legs. I was like "Wha.....??" And then I couldn't see the legs anymore because she was standing at a place where I couldn't see her. What would I give to have another glimpse at the legs, man...

I'm saying this at the risk of sounding superficial, but I feel that every girl should at least practice basic personal grooming. Then again, if she's comfortable showing off her hairy legs, why not huh... I give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she's allergic to razor blades. Maybe she's allergic to shaving cream.

But whatever is it, she must be one helluva confident girl.

I find myself at the brink of melancholia these past few days.

I will stare into space and my eyes will start to water. I cried again in the train to work this morning. I tried to be as inconspicuous as I can, but when I looked up, a mat noticed my eyes and he kept staring til I dropped off at my stop.

I'm such a sad girl.

This has to stop. Whatever 'this' is.

I want Superman to save me. Or a knight in shining armour also can. Or Zorro. Preferably one who has all the machismo he can muster. And a dash of a wicked sense of humour won't hurt, either.

No Pee Wee Hermans, please.

Your red carpet match is Keira Knightley

Who's Your Red Carpet Match?
Brought to you by Tickle

Macam betul ajer aku nii...

I don't usually do this crap but I was bored. Hurhur...

I received an invitation to Club Momo for the Hugo Pure Purple Party tomorrow evening. I want to tell my mum I want to go, but surely, I can't tell her I'm going clubbing again? She'll send me to some pesantren in Indonesia to repent.

I want to grind somemore, this time, with perfect strangers. Hurhur.

Speaking of grinding, check this out. All Dayana's fault, that cheesy woman.

June 22 - July 23

THE MOON
Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water sign has many mood swings!
Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual. All Cancers WANT to be parents! (coincidental that I keep whining about wanting babies?) Cancers become sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner! (hurhur)

FAVE POSITION
Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!

BEST SEX TOY
A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!

CANCER MALE IN BED
He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild! If the Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!!

CANCER FEMALE IN BED
She oozes sexiness and is born to mate (gasp)!! Compliments and kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman? (This is funny... This tickles me).

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER
Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them going. Start by kissing and brushing up against them. Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her (HELL-OO!), but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her. It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!

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Anyway, I thought of another meaning for PMS.

Panadol, Meh Sini!

Last Friday morning, I received a wonderful surprise from the florist.

A bouquet of tulips.

He is very sweet indeed.

I just don't know what to do...

... is a nasty thing.

I hate PMS and the garbage it brings along.

My mood is cranky, my skin is patchy, my hair is oily, I get sulky and I cry like a baby.

I especially hate it when I'm having my period and there's no seats in the train for me. Eh HELL-O! Can't you see my constipated, cramped face? And my constantly clutching my tummy. That means, I'm having menstrual cramps, understand.

SMRT should include another picture showing a woman having mentrual cramps, beside its Old-People-Young-Child-Pregnant-Woman picture on its stickers. Women having mentrual cramps suffer just as bad, okay. But of course they won't understand, because the policy makers, rule makers and designers are probably MEN.

Because I was suffering from cramps this morning and because there was no seat for me, I made up some other meaning for PMS besides the commonly known Pre-Menstrual Symptoms.

Pimples Macam Sial

Perut, Makkau Sakit sey!

Pening Macam Si lalat

Period Moments Suck

Prerogative to Moan & Sulk

Please Make yourself Scarce (for men who don't get it)

Please, Men. Scram. (for men who really don't get it)

Pergi Mampos, Setan! (enough said)

Hurhur... These are the things I do to entertain myself when I don't have a seat in the train and forgot to bring a book.

Maz.

So you're older. Big deal, woman. I'm still gonna bully you. Hurhur...

Tomorrow, okay?

... You're still in the running to become America's Next Top Model.

Which reminds me. Some airhead told me before that she finds ANTM very inspiring. Big word ok. INSPIRING.

Honestly, hunny... Anyone who thinks that ANTM is inspiring, should really look at pictures of starving kids whose tailbones stick out like sharp knives. Or kids who suffer from malnutrition, it makes these airheads' bellies shrink in shame.

Honestly.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

I'm watching Jason Mraz in concert! And Eli will be sitting riiiighht behind me... Hurhur... Don't ask why she will be sitting behind me. Some things don't need any explanation. But what lousy seats. Never mind, if Eli and I flash, he can still see. Hurhur...

*********************

Maybe soon enough, I will be a pillion on my brother's bike. Yes, my brother is quite the abang-abang motor already. And he paid zero for the bike because it is a gift. A GIFT, dammit, a GIFT! From my very generous uncle.

So I was imagining, if someone is very generous to me, this is how it will be:

1) "Hey Awin, I'm feeling generous today. You want this watch? I bought it but when I got home, I didn't like it. It's a Chopard."

2) "Hey Awin, do you like this bag? I want to give it away because it is oh-so-last-season. Because, you know, I don't wear anything twice. It's a Gucci. But it's a second-hand, sorry luv... I hope you don't mind."

3) "Hey Awin, do you like that Yves Saint Laurent jacket? I buy for you lah... Nah, take. Keep."

Pfft.

Anyway, back to my brother, I told that abang-abang to keep another helmet in the box so that he can pick me up somewhere and ride us home when I go back late sometimes. He said he has 1 helmet only. Then I ask "Then how you tumpang those minah-minah from your school?" He said, "Aku tak tumpang diorang ahh... Aku tak suka minah-minah..." Uh-huh. Sometimes, I wonder how he deals with all the attention from girls. Cos I think my brother has that kinda look that may appeal to some. Although, as his sister, I always say "Eww, you look gross." Haha...

He said that I can get my very own helmet for $40.00 and keep in his box. Mesti yang chapalang punya. FIKIR STYLE KEPER MAMAT?!? I buy that helmet, keep in your box, and then you let some minah borrow. And then before I know it, I can smell Pantene, Rejoice and Organics in my helmet. Eh jaLANdah.

But I'm thinking of getting it anyway and then personalise it: "FOR FARHAN'S HOT SISTER ONLY - NO AIRHEAD ALLOWED IN HERE" at the back of the helmet. Hurhur...

So now he leaves the house with jacket all, macam abang-abang motor. Quite cute lah, only I don't tell him that.

Oh my god, I hope he doesn't read this.

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Queen Jila, I just want you to know that you made me feel better with that phone-call. Heart.